Want to prove your own stupidity to foreigners, but don't know where to start? Why, it's simple! Just follow my easy to read list of tips below!
Speak really loudly...
Speak really loudly...
Dang foreigners could speak English, they're just not listening properly. I mean, I always understand words better when they're shouted at me by a guy who's so close I can taste his spittle.
Offer them money...
See, if you wave shiny dollars in people's faces, they're much more likely to spontaneously learn English. After all, you're surely richer than everyone you encounter. I mean, you're white!
Speak only in cultural stereotypes...
The most cringeworthy moment of The Amazing Race Aus was when one charming contestant ran around China saying “Shanghai ladee? You have clue for me?” in a confusingly inappropriate accent. Seriously. That's just ridiculous, anywhere.
Speak... really... slowly...
So the shouting thing didn't work, huh? No worries, just speak reeeeally slowly and accompany your words with hand gestures. Then they'll get it.
Throw in random words in spanish... no matter what country your in...
Do you hablo English? No? Damn. Now how am I going to order my burrito?
Mime...
This is one I'm actually guilty of, but in truth, sometimes it does work. Mostly, though, you end up looking ridiculous trying to mime “electricity” by jiggling on the spot. Then they call a doctor for you and you're left feeling more than a little foolish.
Try and make English words sound more foreigny...
Where can I findo a vendo machino? Do yu haav any chocolato?
Speak only in douchy quotes...
The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it's taken place.
George Bernard Shaw said that one. :)
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