Barcelona for beginners - Five travel tips for novices

It's fine and dandy to blog about abstract concepts and vague themes but us travel bloggers are occasionally obligated to return to the actual basis of our expertise and blog about an actual place that we've actually been to. After all, we can't expect you readers to live vicariously through us if we're not actually going anywhere. And so, to Barcelona I went.

Were I a braver soul, my flight may have involved me annoying fellow passengers with football chants (Barcelona FC style) and attempting to converse with EasyJet's very British staff in Spanish, such was my excitement. However, shy and retiring wallflower that I am, I contented myself with an imported Frankie mag and the conversation of my travel buddy. After all, wannabe Geordie I am but wannabe Geordie Shore I will never be. 

A Spanish holiday tends to end up being either a glorified art gallery tour or a foodie/wino's dream of sangria and paella. I attempted to mix both together and it all ended up a bit higgledy piggledy. Trust me, if you're not absolututely obsessed with Gaudi; craning your neck to stare at his buildings does get old eventually. 

And so, for the average joe travellers of the world: Here's my guide to enjoying Barcelona.

1. Try and stay relatively close to the city centre as the metro and buses are going to cost you two euro each time you step on and a long walk can be a miserably hot affair. We stayed at Ona Barcelona which, whilst being a liiiitle noisy and a bit boring, was in a brilliant location, had very friendly staff and was absolutely, spotlessly clean. I definitely recommend staying on the fifth floor if you can where it's hotter, but much quieter. The showers on our floor (and really the bathrooms in general) were the best I've ever come across in a hostel. Ever.

Ever the Work-In-Progress: Gaudi's Sagrada Familia

2. Pick and choose your Gaudi carefully. The buildings are lovely, the church is lovely, the park is lovely, but after a while it will all start to seem a bit sameish and frankly garish. With costs of entry being around 15-20 euros, I'd hate to see you all bored by him. I recommend the park, which is free and makes for a nice bit of exercise if you've been ordering one too many tapas dishes for your table. The others can all be happily viewed from the outside without feeling you've missed out on something significant. Of course, when doing anything outdoors in Barcelona: be prepared to feel like you're in the middle of a friggin dust storm.

3. Practice your Spanish, but be prepared for some scathing looks. Still brimming with pride from last year's very successful South American trip, I felt my basic spanish should at least be up to par for ordering food. Yeah, turns out not. It wasn't pretty. I still maintain it's far better to try and fail, but unlike many other countries where attempting the language gets you smiles of appreciation, here it seemed more to annoy. So feel free just to point to things on the menu and save yourself the embarrassment, but try not to resort to too much English. At least remember to say por favor and gracias. It's quite literally the least you can do.

4. Explore the Gothic Quarter. Hands down, this was my favourite part of the whole trip. All those tiny alleyways, all those beautiful boutiques, all those quirky folks and eyebrow raising artworks. Absolutely darling. Fab. Spend an afternoon there if you can and seek out La Clandestina when you're ready for a tea/coffee/fresh juice break. Best cafe in the whole city. I won't tell you exactly where it is because I truly can't remember. Right at the green door, left at the ruin and past the tattoo parlour I think? Or was it left at the museum? Whatever, I'm sure you'll find it... eventually. 

5. Ask first, order later. The Santa Caterina Market is definitely worth your time, if only to check out the ruins beneath before heading on to the Chocolate Museum (Best museum idea ever, by the way. I mean, you get to eat the entry ticket!) but watch out for those wily fruit sellers. Make sure you ask how much something is first even if it's labelled. Otherwise you'll have it wrapped and bagged with your money already changing hands before you'll find out it's suddenly ten euros for a tiny punnet of raspberries. Good luck getting your change back at that point.