See Paris - Itineraries for 1, 2 and 4 days

Good gracious, another trip to Paris. This makes three for me! A quick survey of native Parisians with my appallingly limited French has revealed that no, this does not make me "as good as a local" and I should know better than to suggest it. Ah, the shame. But anyway, here are three suggested itineraries for one, two and four day visits.

One day

Paris in a day! Are you mad? What kind of foolish traveller gives themselves only a day in the city of lights? You idiot. But here, to make it easier for your poor, stupid self: an itinerary that will help you hit all the basics.

Start at Notre Dame in the morning before the crowd arrives. It's free to enter but you do have to pay to go up the tower. You don't have time, though, so this will be a cheap stop-off. Take Metro Line 4 south: you're off to the catacombs next! Tour the catacombs and enjoy the slightly macabre remains of 6 million Parisians (tip: it's half price if you're under 26 but pay the extra for an audio-guide as the only English signs in the ossuary are quite boring and uninformative). Once you exit, grab a snack on your way back to the station.

Take the train back the way you came but this time get off at Saint Germain. This is Paris' famous Latin District and is filled with Paris' most well-to-do and trendy citizens. Wander through the streets in any order you like so long as you're walking in the general direction of the Seine. Provided you haven't gotten too lost you should come out somewhere opposite the Louvre. You can cross the river to take a picture in front of the pyramid if you like but you're not going in. No time for that, my friend! 

Continue east along the river, taking in the sites or take the metro if it's rainy. You will come past the Musee D'Orsay, the Louvre's smaller but equally amazing little sister. This you do have time for, should you choose. Don't give yourself more than 2 hours, though. Once finished, continue east and you'll eventually come to the Eiffel Tower. If you've timed everything well, you may be lucky enough to have arrived in time for sunset (note: it still takes time to queue and get up). Head on up the Eiffel Tower and take in the views. Your feet will be aching but this is your last stop so relax. Your time in Paris is done.

Two days

Ah, slightly better than our foolish friend. You, my dear, will have time to relax and take in the joys of Paris. But only a little bit!

Your first day starts the same. Head to Notre Dame and take in the wonder. You do have time to go up the tower if you so choose, but it's optional. Take the metro to the catacombs and take your time wandering through them. On the way back, stop at Saint Germain. Here you will find the famous Le Deux Magots, a street-side cafe/bar. Nab a table facing the road and purchase a tea or coffee. This isn't going to be your cheapest stop-off as the cheapest drinks are at least €5 but the people-watching and atmosphere are worth it. Should you choose and if you have the budget, head on into Saint Germain's many designer boutiques and get yourself something special. Go on, my treat.

Jump back on the train and head north towards Montmartre and the famous Sacré-Coeur await. The view of Paris from here cannot be matched even by the Eiffel Tower so it's well worth the climb. Settle in and watch the sunset. If you head back into town you can find plenty of restaurants and shouldn't struggle. If you can afford it and it's your sort of thing it may be worth reserving this evening to see a cabaret show at Moulin Rouge. They run at 9pm and 11pm but cost over €100 and require advanced booking. I've never had the money to do this, so I've no comment on whether it's worth it.

Day two starts with art. You, unlike our foolish friend above, do have time to go to the Louvre today. The other options are Musee D'orsay (for classics) or the Pompidou (modern art). If fine art's not your thing, it may be worth heading towards Moulin Rouge instead and taking a cheeky trip through the Sex Museum. Fair warning, it gets kinkier/weirder on each floor as you go up. Make your choice wisely and make your way there. Once you're out, if you've not eaten already, find one of Paris' many crepe/ice cream or coffee stands and grab yourself a snack. A late lunch may be in order and in this case I'd recommend seeking out a sandwich or some other takeaway and eating in one of the nearby parks. Should you choose, you can make your way to the Arc du Triumph and buy an ice cream there while you snap your photos.

Your last stop is the Eiffel Tower. Head on up and, as we modern folks all do, check yourself in on Facebook. Expect many likes. If you didn't choose the cabaret show yesterday you may have budget for the restaurant at the top of the tower but this again needs to be booked well in advance and may cost you a whole bundle of cash. Either way, so ends your trip to Paris.

Four Days

Ah, bien fait! You've made a wise choice, my traveller chum. Life for you will be sweet. Four days is just about right for Paris and will give you enough time to see everything without feeling rushed.

Have a relaxed start on day one before heading out towards Paris' big hitter, the Eiffel Tower. Have a wander around the Champ de Mars first, taking in the amazing views down the park and looking up at the tower. Once bored, go join the queue for the tower lifts or, if you're feeling very fit, try walking up the tower. Take your time at the top and absorb the views. Jump on the metro to the Latin Quarter (St Germain) and take in some lunch in any of the dozens of cafes. Make your way to the beautiful Eglise Saint Sulpice (the pretty church) and take some time to absorb before walking back towards the Seine to see Notre Dame.

Day two is your “indoor” day so if you know it's going to rain on one of your days in Paris, maybe reschedule to fit this around it. Start at the Catacombs as early as possible (10am opening) to avoid the queue. Make sure you know what you're looking for as the building isn't well sign posted and without the usually huge queue it's a little tricky to spot. Finish at the catacombs and head to the Louvre. Make sure you grab a snack before you go as food inside is expensive. The Louvre really will take up the rest of your day, even if you're not a major art fan. If it's not your thing, it might be best to pick up one of the activities from another day and slot that in here instead.

On the third day, head out to Versailles and enjoy a day out of the city. The train gets you there for only €3.30 and if you're lucky enough to be an EU citizen or long-term EU resident (anything more than 6 months, but bring evidence – my two year visa for the UK was good enough) you get free entry! Wonderful! Tour the palace first, then head out to the gardens and wander about. Top tip: bring a snack as you won't find anything cheap. If it's a warm day it'll be worth splurging for a can of drink or an ice cream.

On your final day, start your day with more art and pick either the Musée D'Orsay or the Pompidou. Follow this with a river cruise on the Seine for a wonderfully relaxing break in your day and a chance to glimpse any attractions you've missed. If you've got the time, wander down to the Luxembourg Gardens before finishing up by taking the metro up to Montmartre and climbing your way up. Sacré-Coeur is your final visit and the views should give you a spectacular end to your time in Paris. Enjoy the ambiance and thank me later.