How to demonstrate your stupidity in any language

Want to prove your own stupidity to foreigners, but don't know where to start? Why, it's simple! Just follow my easy to read list of tips below!


Speak really loudly... 

Dang foreigners could speak English, they're just not listening properly. I mean, I always understand words better when they're shouted at me by a guy who's so close I can taste his spittle.

Offer them money... 

See, if you wave shiny dollars in people's faces, they're much more likely to spontaneously learn English. After all, you're surely richer than everyone you encounter. I mean, you're white!

Speak only in cultural stereotypes... 

The most cringeworthy moment of The Amazing Race Aus was when one charming contestant ran around China saying “Shanghai ladee? You have clue for me?” in a confusingly inappropriate accent. Seriously. That's just ridiculous, anywhere.

Speak... really... slowly...

So the shouting thing didn't work, huh? No worries, just speak reeeeally slowly and accompany your words with hand gestures. Then they'll get it.

Throw in random words in spanish... no matter what country your in... 

Do you hablo English? No? Damn. Now how am I going to order my burrito?

Mime... 

This is one I'm actually guilty of, but in truth, sometimes it does work. Mostly, though, you end up looking ridiculous trying to mime “electricity” by jiggling on the spot. Then they call a doctor for you and you're left feeling more than a little foolish. 

Try and make English words sound more foreigny...

Where can I findo a vendo machino? Do yu haav any chocolato?

Speak only in douchy quotes...

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it's taken place.

George Bernard Shaw said that one. :)

Marketable Oddities

Snapped this photo on Sunday at the markets in San Telmo, Buenos Aires. These happen weekly and seem to be Argentina's answer to what to get the person who has everything.

These markets are all over the place, but the San Telmo ones are perhaps some of the greatest. They run all the way along Defensa avenue, taking over Plaza Dorrego and about ten or more buildings, courtyards and alleyways along the way. Along with unusable items like the above, they also have stalls selling food, jewellery, touristy trinkets and hundreds selling antique silverware.