Barcelona for beginners - Five travel tips for novices

It's fine and dandy to blog about abstract concepts and vague themes but us travel bloggers are occasionally obligated to return to the actual basis of our expertise and blog about an actual place that we've actually been to. After all, we can't expect you readers to live vicariously through us if we're not actually going anywhere. And so, to Barcelona I went.

Were I a braver soul, my flight may have involved me annoying fellow passengers with football chants (Barcelona FC style) and attempting to converse with EasyJet's very British staff in Spanish, such was my excitement. However, shy and retiring wallflower that I am, I contented myself with an imported Frankie mag and the conversation of my travel buddy. After all, wannabe Geordie I am but wannabe Geordie Shore I will never be. 

A Spanish holiday tends to end up being either a glorified art gallery tour or a foodie/wino's dream of sangria and paella. I attempted to mix both together and it all ended up a bit higgledy piggledy. Trust me, if you're not absolututely obsessed with Gaudi; craning your neck to stare at his buildings does get old eventually. 

And so, for the average joe travellers of the world: Here's my guide to enjoying Barcelona.

1. Try and stay relatively close to the city centre as the metro and buses are going to cost you two euro each time you step on and a long walk can be a miserably hot affair. We stayed at Ona Barcelona which, whilst being a liiiitle noisy and a bit boring, was in a brilliant location, had very friendly staff and was absolutely, spotlessly clean. I definitely recommend staying on the fifth floor if you can where it's hotter, but much quieter. The showers on our floor (and really the bathrooms in general) were the best I've ever come across in a hostel. Ever.

Ever the Work-In-Progress: Gaudi's Sagrada Familia

2. Pick and choose your Gaudi carefully. The buildings are lovely, the church is lovely, the park is lovely, but after a while it will all start to seem a bit sameish and frankly garish. With costs of entry being around 15-20 euros, I'd hate to see you all bored by him. I recommend the park, which is free and makes for a nice bit of exercise if you've been ordering one too many tapas dishes for your table. The others can all be happily viewed from the outside without feeling you've missed out on something significant. Of course, when doing anything outdoors in Barcelona: be prepared to feel like you're in the middle of a friggin dust storm.

3. Practice your Spanish, but be prepared for some scathing looks. Still brimming with pride from last year's very successful South American trip, I felt my basic spanish should at least be up to par for ordering food. Yeah, turns out not. It wasn't pretty. I still maintain it's far better to try and fail, but unlike many other countries where attempting the language gets you smiles of appreciation, here it seemed more to annoy. So feel free just to point to things on the menu and save yourself the embarrassment, but try not to resort to too much English. At least remember to say por favor and gracias. It's quite literally the least you can do.

4. Explore the Gothic Quarter. Hands down, this was my favourite part of the whole trip. All those tiny alleyways, all those beautiful boutiques, all those quirky folks and eyebrow raising artworks. Absolutely darling. Fab. Spend an afternoon there if you can and seek out La Clandestina when you're ready for a tea/coffee/fresh juice break. Best cafe in the whole city. I won't tell you exactly where it is because I truly can't remember. Right at the green door, left at the ruin and past the tattoo parlour I think? Or was it left at the museum? Whatever, I'm sure you'll find it... eventually. 

5. Ask first, order later. The Santa Caterina Market is definitely worth your time, if only to check out the ruins beneath before heading on to the Chocolate Museum (Best museum idea ever, by the way. I mean, you get to eat the entry ticket!) but watch out for those wily fruit sellers. Make sure you ask how much something is first even if it's labelled. Otherwise you'll have it wrapped and bagged with your money already changing hands before you'll find out it's suddenly ten euros for a tiny punnet of raspberries. Good luck getting your change back at that point. 

Things to do in Newcastle

Most cities get to be immortalised by the likes of Lonely Planet with a review of all their latest and greatest attractions. I thought I'd do my part for Newcastle with a list of my own creation. With a bit of luck, I might be able to lure a few visitors out of the nightclubs in the Big Market and get them looking at the actual gems NC has to offer.

Butterfly Cabinet, Heaton

Often still referred to as the Bell and Herb, this cafe offers some of the best food you'll ever eat in one of the coolest places you'll ever eat it in. Well, as long as you're prepared to wait for a table that is. This place seems to hit the spot for just about everybody, from young families to local bands so if you get there late at night be prepared for a very different experience than the Saturday morning breakfast crowd are likely to have. The cafe is also vegetarian friendly, without getting all weird about it.

Jesmond Dean
Whether you're after a peaceful afternoon stroll or you've taken a fancy to watching small children get bowled over by manic dogs, this beautiful park will surely meet your expectations. Plus, with Jesmond Old Cemetery barely a five minute walk away there's a ready opportunity to get your creep on and do some eerie graveyard exploring.  With or without the side-trip the park is definitely worth a visit if you've got a sunny afternoon and a picnic basket to spare or perhaps just a nasty hangover to nurse. Just as nature was always meant to be used. 

Quayside Markets
No longer as interesting as it was in the 50s (when I'm told you could buy monkeys and snakes here!) but still well worth an hour out of your Sunday morning. Once you get past the half a dozen stalls selling underwear and fake flowers, this market suddenly becomes quite charming. Start at Fresh and Frothy for a coffee to warm your hands for the rest of the walk. Then make your way all the way to the other end and pay a visit to the hilarious David Nash, whose stall will either excite your senses or scandalise your sensibilities. Either way is, of course, fine by me. 
(Tip: If markets are your thing, Tynemouth and the Tynemouth Markets make a nice daytrip)

Bacchus
I originally attended this bar on the dubious recommendation of an old guy on the train but it turns out old guys on the train know their stuff. Consistently voted the number one beer bar in Newcastle, this place is truly wonderful for those after a simple drink in stylish surrounds.

St James Stadium
Look at me doing my part to make friends here by still referring to it as St James! Despite all the naming rights controversies that seem to dominate any news story about football in Newcastle, a game at St James is still worth your time. After all, Newcastle has some of the most passionate supporters in the country. Be careful, though. As I'm writing this at the same time as there's a Newcastle/Sunderland game in progress, I'm fully aware of how important it is to stay as far from the stadium as possible right now. Beer and fights all round!