Tuesday, December 27, 2011

A Very Merry Christmas

And so ends my first Christmas abroad. Or at least; the first Christmas abroad without family. In a modern world of instant email and video calls this is much less of a big deal than it once would have been, but the wonders of Skype are bittersweet at this time of year. But of course, when does the festive season ever pass us by without a little bit of drama?

Stories from fellow travellers about their experiences of foreign Christmases have always varied. Some, like my boyfriend, remember massive backpacker barbecues under a scorching, summer sun. Others remember joining distant, rarely thought of relatives and the awkward attempts at family bonding that followed. Those staying in hostels usually remember terrible food, masses of cheap alcohol and a giant tree, but stories from these folks usually detail hour long walks through cold streets looking for the one off-license that stayed open on Christmas (and I'll bet you anything the owner of that store has a much, much sadder story to tell). Some remember sponsor families from their student exchanges whilst others, like myself, are temporarily adopted by the families of friends.

My Christmas involved a full Christmas dinner, champagne and sparkling juice, baileys (how could it not) and a near heart attack after realising how much chocolate I'd eaten. Christmas eve was probably more fun as I got to watch my boyfriend's mother and sister spend most of the day in the kitchen producing not one, not two but ten different kind of sweet treats; from mince pies to hob nobs to a pavlova and chocolate log. An evening in the local pub resulted in a slightly hung over Skype call to my family on Christmas morning, but the time spent listening to Christmas hits and nineties pop was well worth it.

 
My family back home worried a bit more than I would have hoped and have rather over done it in terms of gifts this year, as the pile of twelve books now sitting on the bed can testify to (I am being persistently mocked about how I intend to transport all my presents back to Australia in a year or two). A funny  hat from my sister and online vouchers from my father were reminiscent of gifts from last year, but the difficulties of overseas postage and online orders were evident. The detailed declaration of content (or the "Surprise Ruiner" as I now like to call it) on the packages from back home and the book written in German that my grandmother accidentally ordered from the Book Depository are clear evidence of that. But as the saying goes: it's the thought that counts.

And so it does seem that a merry (although not snowy) Christmas has indeed been had, despite all odds. Next comes New Year, which I can only hope will be appropriately epic and, of course, completely soaked in alcohol.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Games NOT to play in an airport

  • The Bomb Bogies Game: Just like playing Bogies (where you take it in turns to say the word and each person must say it louder than the person before them), but with the word bomb.
  • Mister Security: Try to sneak up on security, but you must freeze every time they look in your direction. 
  • The Unlabelled Baggage Scavenger Hunt: Leave your bags in carefully hidden places around the airport, then challenge your friends to find them.
  • The Beligerant Passenger Game: You don't even need to be travelling anywhere for this one. Just march up to the check-in counter and start shouting at the innocent staff members who work there. Fastest person to be escorted out by security is the winner.
  • Guess Who: Swap passports with friends. Try to go through security checks and see if anyone guesses that you're not who you say you are. Hilarity will ensue.
  • The Racial Profiling Game: All players should gather up a group of people from different ethnic backgrounds, then line them up in order of Most to Least likely to be a terrorist.
  • Guess What's in my Boogy Board Bag: Is it a board or is it 3kgs of marijuana? You've got a 50% chance of being right!
Now don't these sound like fun? Thanks in advance for making your next overseas trip far more entertaining for the spectators.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Foreign or travel themed horrors to get your blood pumping tonight

It's a little late for a "halloweeny" themed post and I'm probably the worst person in the world to be writing this list since I can't watch horror films without screaming, hiding, turning all the lights on repeatedly, crawling up walls and generally making other people laugh at me/ pity me... but I'll give it a shot anyway.

The Orphanage
Creepy, creepy children tormenting adults into madness in the beautiful Spanish countryside? What's not to love? Or freak out about and be terrified of your younger siblings and cousins for a while. Whatever. Still, it was an amazing movie. 

Hostel
Of course this one's on the list. I've stubbornly refused to even watch this film due to the fact that I stay in a lot of dodgy hostels and would like to continue doing so without heart palpitations... but I'm told it will make your skin crawl. So if that's your thing: enjoy.

Friday the 13th
It is totally a travel themed movie/series! Don't argue with me! Quick question, though. Why do these people insist on returning to the damn lake? Honestly!

Pan's Labyrinth
Okay so this is more in the historical/fantasy/tripping-you-out genre, but watch the scene with the child eating monster and tell me it's not freaky as heck. Another creepy Spanish film. What is up with the Spanish anyway? Why must you Spaniards make such creepy movies!

Eyes Without a Face
An old as dirt French film for those of you who are into the classics. But, just so you know, the footage of the skin graft is real. 

A Tale of Two Sisters
Recommended to me twice, I've persistently avoided watching it as I've seen more than enough clips from it to know that it goes well beyond my personal 'creep threshold'. If you've got a stronger horror tolerance level and want some Korean creepiness in your evening: go for it.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Five vaguely useful travel apps

Airbnb - Hooks up travellers (with no friends to stay with) and homeowners/renters (with no friends to hang out with). Basically, if someone has a spare room they can advertise it as accommodation for travellers via this website and app. Travellers can then book the room to stay in. It can save you a freaking fortune in hotel/hostel costs and you can make a new friend or two in the process.

Accio - Okay, so this is actually the name of the app provider, not the app, but searching this will bring up the most options. Basically, they make translator dictionaries for your iPhone (and probably your Android, too, but I can't vouch for that). Helpful if you're wanting to learn a few words and phrases before you leave and super helpful in getting yourself out of a pinch once you're actually travelling. Also, much, much lighter than a bilingual dictionary. Must think about those luggage allowances, hey?

Lonely Planet - Yes, there are apps now.

Streetmuseum: Londinium - I'm kind of stretching the definition of useful with this addition to the list, but it's absolutely the cutest, coolest app idea ever. Basically, it overlays ancient sites over the top of a map of modern London and then includes facts, pictures, little excavation game things and the like. It's awesome. Well, it is awesome if you're under the age of twelve... or if you're me. Shut up!

Hostelworld.com - I tend to just go through the website, but they have an app, too! How nifty! I almost always go through Hostelworld to make my bookings, because they have not failed me yet. If they say a hostel is good, it's good. Just take it as fact, okay?

Monday, November 7, 2011

A World of Cliches

Well, just about two weeks have passed in Britain and so far my days have been an unending stream of British cliches. Villages are filled with tiny roads and identical houses, all the homes have decorative fireplaces, everyone is obsessed with football and train stations are tremendously huge and overly ornate. 

Oh look, a castle!
Days and nights have been both rainy and chilly and I'm told it will snow soon! And as promised on television: the Brits speak in a variety of dialects that range from classy to posh to adorably quaint to completely impossible to understand. The British coast is long and pretty but seems to be without the sand and sun I typically associate with the seaside. Castles are big and majestic and old and... full of old stuff. Halloween (Not just an American thing! Who knew?) promised small children in teeny tiny monster costumes but instead delivered dodgy teenagers with jackets over their faces trying to bung some free candy. Bonfire Night involved a dangerously large fire and a disracting display of fireworks to make sure everyone turned their backs on the blaze to give it a chance to get out of control.

British pubs contain cheap beer (or cider if you're me and therefore weak) and jolly locals getting scarily hammered. Tea rooms are staffed by middle aged women (probably the jolly locals' wives) who bake cakes and slices by the dozen and serve tea in pretty china pots. Oh, and Sunday dinners are epic

All in all, it's been very gratifying to know that my vaguely insulting expectations for this country are coming true. It's always nice to be proven right, over and over again. Although it's not helping the dear boyfriend's attempts to make me stop calling the UK a quaint, itty bitty island. But hey, he can't win 'em all.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Getting sick on holidays

As someone whose health has been consistently and fondly described as tragic for the past who-knows-how-long, vacations are usually just an excuse for me to go and test out the health care system of various countries. Singapore: yay, Cambodia: nay, Britain: not sure, but I'll bet you $100 (stupid computer not having a pound symbol) that I'll be able to tell you within a month or two. 


It was at a fairly young age that I perfected the quavering smile and self effacing chuckle all sickly youths use to earn the title of 'Brave Little Tyke', but in reality I'm still a total sook when it comes to illness. At the merest hint of a sniffle I will immediately move to take refuge in the relative safety of my mother's home and couch for a few days, from where I moan and groan whilst being provided with endless cups of tea and vegemite on toast (nature's cure-all). Sadly, however, this is not an option that is available to me when travelling. My first solo trip overseas resulted in a mostly untreated bout of whooping cough, which very nearly sent my dear mama half way round the world just to drive me to the doctor. 


In the years that followed this; I've become better and better prepared for the many ailments which seem to always find me, wherever I happen to be. Things like vaccinations and insurance (neither of which have ever really concerned me in Australia) suddenly take high priority when you're travelling. But there are other things I've figured out over the years. Learning how to say things like "emergency" "sick" and "doctor" in whatever the local language happens to be, taking note of where hospitals are so that you can direct "lost" taxi drivers and making friends with hostel owners so they're more likely to think to check on you if you're looking sickly are three good examples. Don't take your "sickness planning" too far, though. You do need to be careful, but make sure you don't get too carried away and miss out on half your trip out of false concern for your own health. 


For example: unless there's an actual health warning out, you can probably forego the face masks and -whilst it's always a good idea to be careful of your water supply and keep clean hands- you can pretty much take it for granted that at some point you're going to eat something that won't agree with you. An upset stomach won't kill you and avoiding local food just means missing out on some of the best made food in any country. 


The only other tip I can really give is to have a contingency budget. Planning a $3000 trip to fit within your $3000 of savings is going to leave you in deep, deep trouble should something go wrong. Your insurance won't kick in the very instant you get sick and in some cases, you won't be able to get any treatment at all until you have the insurance funds to pay for it. Make sure you've got at least $500 in extra savings that you can call on, whether you just need to visit a GP for antibiotics, or whether you need to pay for immediate blood tests  or xrays. It might mean you wait longer to take your dream trip, but it will be far less painful in the long run.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Travel reads

This post is being crafted out of the sorrow and loss of having dropped my Kobo (like a Kimble only cheaper, nastier and apparently more breakable) yesterday evening. Usually, this would be sad, but not big deal. But, I'm moving to a foreign country. I sold all my books a few weeks ago before I left Australia. And I've got 18 hours in transit, starting today! See, I'm a massive bookworm and now with literally nothing left to read; I'm left to rely on in flight entertainment to keep me... well... entertained. 


So, as an homage to my lost Kobo, here's two lists. One list of my top travel related reads, and another of the films currently showing on flights which I really don't want to have to watch.


Travel themed books that you may want to read:
In Patagonia - Chatwin
Turquoise: A Chef's Travels in Turkey - Malouf [Tasty, tasty travels]
Assassination Vacation - Vowell
The Motorcycle Diaries - Guevara
Almost French - Turnbull [Please note that you really do have to be female to enjoy this one]
The Belgariad - Eddings [I'm justifying this one with the fact that all epics are travel related. Did you never notice how much walking went on in The Lord of the Rings?]
Perfume - Süskind [For the murderously inclined traveller]


Movies I really didn't want to watch (that are currently on most flights' entertainment selections):
Bridesmaids
Monte Carlo
Xmen Origins
Red Dog [I'm sorry, Australia, but this looks like a Tourism Australia ad, and we all know how bad those have been for the last decade or so]
Arthur
Pirates of the Carribean 4 [In fairness, this is on the list because I've already seen it... twice... okay, so I like pirates]
Green Lantern


Why, oh why, can I not be flying during Oscar-baiting season? I'm only a month or so off!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

People I want to take on holidays with me

5. Marieke Hardy
Because she is the shizzle. And super, super awesome in a variety of ways. And she writes very clever tv shows. Okay, so in reality I've got no idea if she'd make a good travel companion, but as my personal idol (marry me?) she earns a spot on this list anyway. We all owe our idols at least that much. Bare minimum, she'd be great to get drunk with.


4. Daniel Radcliffe
No, no, I'm not a 13 year old girl in disguise, but I have to admit this series always brings out the inner geek in me (don't judge me... or at least, not too harshly). The idea of travelling the world with "Harry Potter" ticks a couple of awesome boxes in terms of ridiculous sounding stories I could later tell. Plus, have you heard the guy sing? I can't imagine better partner for hostel karaoke nights. Plus, he's tiny! We could probably fit him in one of the suitcases. He'd be like the trip mascot or something.


3. Bono
Okay, so he might end up being a bit of a downer, what with all the constant talk about starving people and he might get jealous of Daniel's awesome singing (and mine, of course) but hey, he'd still be a great one to take along. What with the meaningful volunteer work with private jets to fly in and out, who wouldn't want to hang out with him? You get to live a life of total luxury and still feel good about yourself (in a "must be patronising to everybody else" kind of way). Win.


2. George Orwell
Okay so he's long dead, but I think the idea of a world circumferencing jaunt with him is just about as likely as one with Bono. Heck, let's take Hemingway, too. Proving Georgie's predictions of the future wrong would probably be very satisfying (although considering the state of the globe, he'd probably just change the title to 2084 and stick with the same story) and if there was ever a guy who knew the ins and outs of Paris and London, this would be him. 


1. David Attenborough
Now admit it, as soon as you read his name, you knew I was on to the best idea ever! This dude is awesome. His accent is adorable, he certainly travels enough to be used to the hardships, and he knows everything about flora and fauna. Hiking trips would never be the same again. Need another reason? Well, he is getting old (was he ever not old?) and if there was ever a perfect way to give David Attenborough a last hurrah: a nice holiday without video cameras sounds perfect. What I'm trying to say is that I'm totally not bringing him along just to ask him to narrate everything back to me. Totally not. I would never! I'm just a nice person, you know?


(Apparently I would also like to take my boyfriend because he is being a little girl and crying about me not wanting to take him on holidays. Don't worry so much, sweetie, I absolutely love you and all that wussy stuff. Totally.)

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Something about the rain

I've spent close to two weeks in Singapore so far and if there's one thing I now know about this place; it's that they're not hurting for rain. My god this country is damp. With rain close to 300 days of the year and lightning storms on 170 of those days, you learn quickly to accept that you're unlikely to go through a day without getting a little bit wet. So here's some suggestions about what to do on rainy days during your travels.


1. Stuff the rain, go out to the streets/parks/whatever-unsheltered-area-you're-interested-in anyway. If you're in a warm country, this shouldn't be a miserable experience for you, but rather a new chance for some great photos and activities with tiiiny queues. Just don't wear heals, soft shoes or white clothes.


2. Ride around on public transport all day. Unless you're in a city with underground trains (or sometimes even then), taking public transport back and forth can give you a pretty great look at parts of the city you might not get to see otherwise. Plus, after a few trips, you'll never get lost or flummoxed by ticket zones again.


3. Find a nice cafe and catch up on emails. You know those friends you promised to send photos to? You know that mother who complains that your emails are too short and infrequent? You know that boyfriend who's getting all paranoid that you might meet someone else? Here's your chance to make every last one of these folks think you're the greatest. A couple of facebook posts, some pic uploads and a lengthy email or two and you'll be the most popular person you know!


4. Do all that cultural stuff you claimed you were planning on but have yet to make time for. Museums? Art Galleries? With all the valuables inside, these are usually the last places where you're likely to get rained on. The catch is that everyone else knows this, too. Expect larger than normal crowds.


5. Reenact your favourite movie scene. Let's face it, Hollywood loves a good drizzle. So get out there and dance off lampposts, run screaming from serial killers, declare true love, kiss strange girls, have a martial arts fight in fancy suits, whatever! You could even make your own movie if you wanted, but that could just be me being overambitious. I'm like that.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Careful Wording

Our vocabularies are forced to breach the norm when we travel. We insist on describing every market we enter as bustling or perhaps thronged, we call a meal we don't really understand (or like) a delicacy or a bonne bouche and we come up with words like rustic and agrarian to avoid having to mention that we're in the middle of nowhere. Truly, it seems we are all wordsmiths. Sadly, having stretched our creative streaks further than we can usually manage, we tend to start repeating ourselves outrageously. And we get terribly snootish when this is pointed out to us.

Monday, August 22, 2011

The art of living dangerously (or How to be an idiot)

I met a guy once in Cambodia. Let's call him Liam. Liam was one of those lifetime backpackers- already in his late thirties, never settled down, never stopped travelling, a little bit pitiable but also rather funny and incredibly knowledgable. There are many Liam's in the world.
 
I met Liam in a bar, where he was convincing bunches of people to sponsor his drinking and making plans to get across to Laos the following morning in some guy's truck. His stories were the kind of stories I hoped to one day tell. The kind of improbable, hair-raising, smile inducing, incredible memories that all travellers are jealous of, including me. Or at least I was until I witnessed how he picked them up.
 
Liam left us quite late into the night and I expected that was to be the last I saw of him. He wandered nonchalantly back into the bar about twenty minutes later and we soon learnt there were about thirty locals waiting for him outside. It turns out that moments before this, Liam made a business transaction with them (i.e. he got himself some coke) and had sampled what he was given and decided it wasn't strong enough... and refused to pay. If you're ever reading this, Liam, this is why I didn't add you on facebook.
 
Long, slightly threatening story short: Liam was forced by the bartenders to go pay for his goods (a full $10 I believe... outrageous!) and then went on his merry way. Now, one day, he's going to tell that story to other folks and they're going to think it's amazing. But it's not. In fact, it's an easy way to end up getting curb stomped by twelve year old asian drug dealers. Never fun.
 
Now I'm aware that I'm supposed to say that the moral to Liam's story is "Don't Do Drugs, Kids" but instead I'm going to go with "Don't Be A Stupid Moron, You Moron". Have a blast, do stupid things, make an idiot of yourself... but try and live to tell the tale. Dumb luck runs out for everyone eventually.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

How to demonstrate your stupidity in any language

Want to prove your own stupidity to foreigners, but don't know where to start? Why, it's simple! Just follow my easy to read list of tips below!


Speak really loudly... 
Dang foreigners could speak English, they're just not listening properly. I mean, I always understand words better when they're shouted at me by a guy who's so close I can taste his spittle.

Offer them money... 
See, if you wave shiny dollars in people's faces, they're much more likely to spontaneously learn English. After all, you're surely richer than everyone you encounter. I mean, you're white!

Speak only in cultural stereotypes... 
The most cringeworthy moment of The Amazing Race Aus was when one charming contestant ran around China saying “Shanghai ladee? You have clue for me?” in a confusingly inappropriate accent. Seriously. That's just ridiculous, anywhere.

Speak... really... slowly...
So the shouting thing didn't work, huh? No worries, just speak reeeeally slowly and accompany your words with hand gestures. Then they'll get it.

Throw in random words in spanish... no matter what country your in... 
Do you hablo English? No? Damn. Now how am I going to order my burrito?

Mime... 
This is one I'm actually guilty of, but in truth, sometimes it does work. Mostly, though, you end up looking ridiculous trying to mime “electricity” by jiggling on the spot. Then they call a doctor for you and you're left feeling more than a little foolish. 

Try and make English words sound more foreigny...
Where can I findo a vendo machino? Do yu haav any chocolato?

Speak only in douchy quotes...
The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it's taken place.
George Bernard Shaw said that one. :)

Thursday, August 11, 2011

So help me I want a puppy


And I want one badly. I want to hug it and walk it and occasionally put kibble in its bowl whilst sobbing with guilt about what a terrible non-feeding pet owner I am. But I can't have one.

See, whilst the world is open for the traveller, the pet stores are closed. No one is going to let me have a puppy if I intend to ship off overseas on a regular basis. It's just not going to happen. And if I tried to lie to the puppy sellers, my mum would probably take it upon herself to get the dang dog taken away and have me fined for animal endangerment. She's a cruel, cruel lady, my mother. (love you!)

Now, some of you may think I'm limiting myself. After all, half the fun of keeping an animal is burdening other people with the task of looking after it [and that's a rule that applies to child ownership, too] but I already task my flatmate with the job of taking care of my one plant in my absence and that's nearly ended in disaster a number of times. Most of my friends and family live in rental properties and are probably too wussy to sneak my pets in under the noses of their landlords, and the others are all liable to fall in love with my dog-thing and would never return it to lil old neglectful me. Jerks.

I know, I know, if I reeeeally wanted one, I wouldn't be letting logistics stand in my way. But since pet ownership is also expensive, I have instead opted for the lazy and totally free way of owning pets which involves giving personality to old soft toys.

Stop judging me!

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Dear Darling

This post is really just an excuse to display this awesome photo I took. Because frankly; it's adorable. But to give you some background (and bulk this out a bit), after all my running around, I had a week or so to skip through Sydney and visit the parts of my home town/city that I heart the most. It'd been ages since I'd been around Darlinghurst, and this pic was taken that day. For those actually in the area: Gelato Messina on Victoria Street is to die for and the bands at World Bar usually hit harder than Mike Tyson. (Who, by the way, has just released a reality show about his pet birds. Who wouldn't want to watch that!)

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Patriot Virus

The patriot virus exists in many forms around the world. There are soldiers, housewives, creepy extremists, sports fans, primary schoolers and everything in between. Most people have a least some pride in their country (even if it's just happiness that you have nice weather) but for some reason, travel brings this out in a whole new way.

You can have as many issues with your country as you want. You can hate the government, you can wish your hometown was more lively, in fact: you can get outraged over any cause you like. But as soon as you step off the plane and onto foreign soil; you come from the best dang country in the world! Your morals are not completely compromised, of course. You don't change your mind about any of your preexisting opinions, but once you meet someone from another nationality, Australia/Britain/America/France/Name-Your-Home-Country-Here immediately becomes paradise on earth. The best place in the world to live! You're thinking about travelling there? Oh, you definitely should, it has so much to offer visitors!

God help anyone who talks bad your homeland in your presence.

This strange travel bug presents its strongest strain in groups of three or more young men. With these sufferers, it moves on to cringeworthy and dangerous extremes. These youthful representatives embarrass their fellow countrymen with open and loud declarations of their country's greatness. They ridicule the country they're in and any other foreigners they encounter. “You're French? You're french! Guy's it's a frog!
[Side note to the lads: this kind of behaviour is not going to help your attempts to “bang a local”]

At its worst (I know, I didn't think it could get worse either) the virus may even become lethal. The sufferers are prone to fights, both verbal and physical. Should they encounter another group of young, male sufferers from a different country? Maiming ensues.

This of course is something to be avoided at all costs, but in it's simplest form; the patriot virus can be quite helpful. Belief in the greatness of one's own country helps foster homesickness and will convince the wayward traveller of the need to eventually return home. You're welcome, Mum and Dad.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Shove it in their faces

I love the travel sceptics. I adore them. They're my inspiration. They would get the dedication in any book I wrote. They make me what I am today.

Why? Because I'm the kind of person who doesn't take well to disbelief. When I mention places I want to go to and get that funny reeeeally with the raised eyebrow in reply: well, that's what makes me go. One of the only reasons I can actually motivate myself to go anywhere is to prove wrong any doubters. Shut up, you. I'll totally go! Look, I'm finding tickets on my phone right now! So nerr!

The issue, of course, is that most of my friends are way too lovely. I've got no reason to go anywhere when you're all so supportive! I'm too lazy to motivate myself! So I've starting creating my own little travel sceptic. I keep him locked away in my head until I start to daydream about another trip. And then I bring him out to tell me I can't do it. Go on, buddy. How much do you want to bet me I can get there within a month?

Monday, July 18, 2011

The Home Front

I am pants-peeing excited to be going to Melbourne this week for a little local tourism. I get to trip through unfamiliar streets and visit new bars, take photos and dork out, make comments about my 'adventurous spirit' and ask strangers for directions... but I only have to sit on a plane for an hour and a half to get there. Lovely.

Being a traveller in a semi-familiar environment is really loads more fun than any other kind of travel. The risk level drops substantially, you pretty much know beforehand whether something's worth getting to, and you almost never get lost. And if you're as disorganised and vague as I am: this makes a nice change.

With this in mind, I'm making the trip down for a few days to blend with my southern neighbours. Plus, I get to have the darling boyfriend on my arm for the first time in almost two months. Tis making me quite smug, show off that I am.

Joy.

La Trobe Street, Melbourne

Public Transportation: The Real Enemy

This might just be because I'm home again and want to have a bit of a dig at cityrail, but isn't public transport just a little bit terrifying?

It's not just the smelly passengers, or the over representation of crazy f***ers, or the suspicious looking stains, or any of these side concerns. It's that trains and buses seem to be purposefully messing with us. The inexplicable delays? The sudden slowing right when you're moving between carriages? The button that magically stops working right when you're about to pass your stop? The buses that suddenly slide too close to the curb and nearly hit you in the face with a mirror [I swear this happens to me every other day]? I don't trust these beasts anymore! It's purposeful! There is no doubt in my mind about this one: I'm absolutely sure that public transport wants us all dead.

That slow building sense of mistrust we've all been developing since the first time we were allowed to ride the bus to school? We should be paying attention to that! Instead, we accept these little oddities as mere frustrations. They're expected by now! My theory: this is what they want. Eventually, we're going to start hearing about deaths on the bus. Suspicious vanishings between one train station and the next. And we'll start to accept that, too! As another frustration! Just the risks of public transport!

They'll take us out one by one, until the only folks left are those with their own cars. And that's when the humble automobile will turn on us, too. It's not robots who are going to take over humanity: it's cityrail. And all the others like it. 

You have been warned.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Architecture - South America

Well, hours in transit haven't allowed me much energy for writing. So here are some photos of buildings instead. Because hey, that's awesome.


Cordoba, Argentina

Montevideo, Uruguay

Montevideo, Uruguay

Buenos Aires, Argentina

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Leaving (for) home

On the penultimate day of quite a long trip, you would think feelings of either relief or devastation would be passing through me. Strangely, neither emotion has made an appearance, and my casual approach to completing my journey seems to be ticking people off. The nerve!

It seems I missed the memo that the ending of a trip must be accompanied by fanfare and dramatics. People are oddly perturbed when I don't tear up at the idea of leaving them behind or burst into sobs of joy because I'll see my friends back home. Don't worry (dear friends), I do love and miss you, but does it really bother you that much that I don't base my entire existence around your presence in my life? Really?

Seriously. You're not that great.

Uruguayan morning tea- another thing I'll miss
What I have missed, and what I am going to miss is food. I miss home cooked meals so badly that my first may leave me in fits at the dining table. I miss baking, I miss cooking, I miss the cheap Indian place near my house and I miss my normal supermarket. But my god I'm going to miss Argentinian icecream. Holy crap! This stuff's so good it would make Adriano Zumbo say “holy crap this stuff's so good”. (Yeah, the Z-man and I are tight)

What I won't miss is the smell of mate. Mate (the E is audible) is a herbal tea everyone here drinks at every possible opportunity. It's foul. The smell haunts me in my sleep. Hate hate hate hate hate.

But you know- it's cultural, so I guess I'll have to pretend I miss that, too. Otherwise more strange looks from fellow backpackers will result. Jeez.

Marketable Oddities

Snapped this photo on Sunday at the markets in San Telmo, Buenos Aires. These happen weekly and seem to be Argentina's answer to what to get the person who has everything.
These markets are all over the place, but the San Telmo ones are perhaps some of the greatest. They run all the way along Defensa avenue, taking over Plaza Dorrego and about ten or more buildings, courtyards and alleyways along the way. Along with unusable items like the above, they also have stalls selling food, jewellery, touristy trinkets and hundreds selling antique silverware. 

Thursday, July 7, 2011

You know you're in Argentina when...

You can purchase a motorcycle in the supermarket.

The street signs are “proudly brought to you by” various companies.

People are queued up all over the place for no apparent reason.

Your tour bus stops repeatedly to pick up hitchhikers.

At 2am, bars are just starting to open, not close.

Wearing the wrong coloured tshirt to a sports event could easily result in your death.

Naked women being strangled by feet are appropriate artworks for public shopping centres.

Your glass of wine isn't “half a glass” or “up to the line”, it's a goddamn glass of wine- as full as they can carry it.

No matter what you order, the portion is the size of your head.

You pull up at the lights and someone runs in front of your car and juggles for spare change. Like, circus stuff.

Instead of coffee or knockoff designer bags, the street vendors are selling “useful” items. And by useful we mean dog collars, tape measures, barbie dolls and coffee mugs.

The mullet surrounds you. And is still thought to be fashionable.



This post is odd since I'm writing from Uruguay. But dude, Argentina's pretty cool.

World Vision's version of Sudanese politics

"World Vision urges North and South Sudan to resolve differences ahead of 9 July independence"


There must be something horrendously wrong with me since I found this press release title to be the funniest thing I'd ever read. Yeah, yeah, my mind's messed up. But don't you just love the idea of World Vision sitting down with Omar Al-Bashir and Salva Kiir Mayardit and starting with 

"I'm sensing a lot of negativity between to two of you. Now does someone want to tell me how this argument started?"

Because I'm thinking World Vision's placid attempt to make the two kiss and make up isn't going to fix the problem.

I'm just saying.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Universal Hostel Soundtrack

One thing you notice very quickly when travelling is that there seems to be a single mix tape that gets passed around all the hostels. I thought I was imagining things at first but apparently; there really is one! Three of the hostels I've stayed in in Argentina (my current country of residence) have been associated with Hostel Inn. It was whilst I was staying at the second one that I began to notice that breakfast was always accompanied by the same backing music. Showers were the same. Don't get me started on the “party mix” that played after 10pm. Once I reached the third one, I was curious enough to ask the staff. And that's when I was let in on the big conspiracy.

They really are playing the same mixes! They have an easy listening mix, a local mix, a pop mix, and their mix mix for every day use. I knew it!

So here are some tracks to get used to if you're planning on travelling anytime soon. I heard each of these a minimum of nine or ten times in each hostel and I'm still not sick of them! I'm not sure if that says something about the music or me.

Santeria - Sublime
San Francisco - Scott McKenzie (hated it to start with, but it's become a bit of an anthem)
Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz
Your Woman - White Town
In This World - Moby
Home - Edward Sharpe (this one's getting iffy- might not be able to handle another dozen plays)

And as an extra special bonus, here are some of the songs I am sick of:

E.T - Katy Perry
Born this Way - Lady Gaga
Party Anthem - LMFAO
Back to Black - Amy Winehouse
Pursuit of Happiness - Kid Cudi (and I really used to like this song)

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Maturity

For most of my youth, admiring travellers from a distance, I considered independent travel to be a sign of maturity. All the “adults” I knew had done it and all had returned; better for the experience. In terms of “growing up” it was of wine swilling, tax evading, lease signing, hymen tearing significance. I regarded it with a peculiar mix of trepidation and self assuredness. It was a daunting concept, but one the fourteen year old version of myself was quite certain she could handle better than anyone (and everyone) else. Ah, the follies of youth.

With all the enlightenment of twenty one measly years and several accompanied and unaccompanied overseas jaunts, I do indeed feel much more adult than perhaps I would if I had stayed home. The advantage I have over my younger self, however, is an awareness that this is bull.

I'm no adult, I'm a child playing dress-ups in entire countries. Smugly certain that I'm achieving international cultural sensitivity whilst simultaneously putting on an embarrassing representation of the Australian people.

So, to the people of Australia and those foreigners forced to tolerate me on their turf: I am truly, truly sorry. 


Not going to stop, though.